As seen and heard on the Dr. Pat Show

Cybercrime scams have been around since the infamous email asking for money for a distant relative who is stranded in a foreign country now needing cash immediately. This year, the documentary The Tinder Swindlerbrought to light romance scamming through the creation of a false identity, known as catfishing. A romance scammer creates and adopts a fake identity to gain a prey’s affection and trust in order to use it to manipulate them for the purpose of exploitation. 

According to the Internet Crime Complaint Center’s 2021 annual report, in the United States alone, approximately 25,000 complaints were made about romance scams (the 6th highest of cybercrimes) with losses of nearly $1B (the 3rd highest of cybercrimes). Those statistics, an increase of nearly 80% over 2020, are understated, possibly significantly, due to the embarrassment prey often experience, in particular men, that prevents them from reporting the crime. Romance scams do not discriminate based on any quality including age and, to add insult to injury, the crime is difficult to punish because the prey voluntarily sends their money and, in some cases, opens credit cards and take loans in their own name.  

I knew what a romance scam was and had even taken precautions to protect myself. In spite of that, I recently communicated with three very different catfishers and have identified countless others. I was not exploited, although I was prey I am not a victim, but I have learned first-hand about how it works and how incredibly skilled the scammers are at what they do, as well as the vulnerabilities of those on which they prey and intend to capitalize. As the scams continue to multiply and adapt to maximize based on their prey base and catfishers become bolder, as they are also now appearing in person, it is more important than ever that you arm yourself with knowledge and implement a strategy to further protect yourself in the future.

Why are so many people susceptible to romance scams? Are they victim or prey?

Former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy identified loneliness in U.S. as a major public health threat, so much so that there is strong association between loneliness and the risk of heart disease, dementia, depression, anxiety and it affects sleep quality which impacts obesity. The association of loneliness and longevity - the mortality impact of loneliness – is similar to the mortality impact of smoking 15 cigarettes a day, greater than the mortality impact of obesity and sedentary living.

The point is that loneliness is not just about solitude. Loneliness is subjective – how we feel about the quality of our connections. It is the gap between the social connections that we feel that we need and the ones we have.

And we, as human, are biologically primed not only to feel better together but to feel normal together.

You can see where this leads, we have country full of people desperate for connection, making them vulnerable to the attention and false personas and claims of scammers.  

Knowing our CORE VALUES and setting CLEAR BOUNDARIES allows us to identify red flags when communicating with people who are new to us.

Click here to listen to Brene Brown and Barrett Guillen discuss Living into Our Values.